fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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