Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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