i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
