I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
