Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
