plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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