who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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