Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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