he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
