just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
