remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
