the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
