Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
