Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
