he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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