My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
