Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
