Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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