drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
