I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
