So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need moral support for this bender
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
