it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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