You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize