That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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