never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want nice things and good sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
