Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
