Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
