DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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