Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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