you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
