I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
