The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think your dad took our porno
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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