i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
