remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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