your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Randomize
