Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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