my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
