idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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