i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
