i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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