she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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