there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
