I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize