I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
