I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
