Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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