Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize