I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
