Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
