you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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