That's intense
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
