I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
