Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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