i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
