I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
