I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
