dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cannot find my penis.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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