Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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