we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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