my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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