Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
