just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
