and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize