I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
