went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
