so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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