I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
