I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
