i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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