The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
