That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize