We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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