I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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