She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
