apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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