So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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