whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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