It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
