if you like me you must not know who I am
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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