Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
