he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
