i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
