i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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