It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
