stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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