You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
