I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
