You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
