I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
