so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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