I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
