I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
