and i looked up. we had an audience...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
