Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
