ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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