I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
