Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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