you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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