The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
