we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
