we're chasing vodka with high fives
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
