Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
