She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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